RYLEE "BUG" DENELL MOORE

Today, November 11th is the one year mark since I held Rylee in my arms. To be honest, I am not sure how I am supposed to feel. In some ways, it’s just another day without her. I take just one moment at a time. Each moment is different, some are better than others. It is amazing how quickly memories can flood your mind. I am so thankful for all the wonderful memories we have of Rylee. I have said it a million times and I will continue to say it, “I am a much better person because I had her in my life.” Sometimes I worry that through the business of life that I will forget her or different things that she taught me about life. It is then that the Lord blesses me with some of the sweetest memories. My prayer is and always will be that Rylee’s legacy will never die. I pray that as the opportunities come for me to share her story, her will to live, her love for everyone, and her love for Jesus that I will not miss those opportunities. So, how do I feel now? I am the proudest momma in the world to have been a part of such an amazing little girl’s journey through this life. Yes, I miss her. Yes, the grief and pain can sometimes be unbearable. But I know that it is going to be ok. I will miss you and love you forever Rylee Bug!

Let The Waters Rise

Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, [even] unto the end of the world. Amen. ~Matthew 28:20

This song speaks so clearly to what is going on in the lives of many. Everytime I hear it, I just want to shout AMEN! The moment that the alarm clock sounds in the morning to wake me up to a brand new day, a flood of thoughts concerning that day's agenda tries to consume me. I am pretty certain that I am not alone in this. Almost everyone I speak to lately expresses some sort of stressor in their life.

"Let The Waters Rise" What is the "water" in your life? Is your "water" more than one thing? Personally, there are things that try to smother me, but none like the loss of Rylee. November 11 will mark one year since her passing. I can vividly remember what I was doing each day this time last year. Grief is a funny thing. Some days I am great. Some days I miss her all day long. Guilt tries to find its way in every now and then; guilt about living life, moving on. I know better and I am able to recognize it when it happens. God has shown me over the past 9 years that He wants to use me and my family in a way that is unique to us. Everything that we experience in life can be used to learn and grow. Through Facebook, the world can become very small. The ML II support group has opened the doors for me to connect with some amazing families. I get to help other families who are dealing with the many questions that come along with this disease. There are families from right here in the U.S. and other countries. My prayer is that when I speak, my words will serve as an encouragement to them. Not to sound weird, but it brings me great comfort to use what Rylee taught me to help others. Her legacy never dies. What a legacy she left us! I believe in my heart this is what the Lord would want. So "Let The Waters Rise" whatever they may be, I WILL FOLLOW THE LORD! God is with me! I hope whoever reads this draws comfort. Thank you Jesus for carrying me.

Her Name is Kara Grace

I had over-looked the mess in Kara’s room as long as I could. She and I had a Saturday night cleaning party! I worked on her closet; she worked on organizing her toy bins. Organizing to her meant dumping everything out in the floor, and I mean everything! Once I finished her closet, I began to help her sort through Barbies, Barbie clothes, baby doll stuff, random Sonic and McDonald’s toys; you get the picture. Where does all this stuff come from? I was frustrated to say the least. College football is on and I am in this mountain of a mess!!! On and on we clean. I mean we are down to the dust and the change. That is when I found something I hadn’t seen in a long time. It was a button (pin) with Rylee’s initial “R” on it. Memories of cleaning this room with many times came back to me. I told Kara that I would give anything if we could finish up this room and go into the living room and see Rylee lying in the floor, playing, and chewing on a book. Kara got quiet for several minutes. I know the kids still have a difficult time, so we try to let them process feelings as they come. A few minutes later, she stood right in front of me and said, “Momma, For God so loved the world that he gave his only son that whoever believes on Him shall not perish but have everlasting life. John 3:16” Amazing! Wonderful Grace! Out of the mouths of babes! Of course I am proud of her for memorizing a scripture, but I am even more amazed that she knew, as a seven year old, that in my time of pain that I needed a word from God! God used Kara to remind me of how much He loves me! Wow! I stand amazed at His marvelous Grace!
Kara’s middle name is Grace. There was a one in four chance that this beautiful little girl could have been born with the genetic problem that Rylee had. Brad and I believe that it is only by God’s grace that she is healthy! Saturday night, He took that little girl and showed even more grace to me.
My life is not always sad and depressing, I promise. There are many days that are filled with laughter and excitement; but we as a family are still walking through this season of grief. It was about this time last year that Rylee’s health began to go downhill, so I expect that there may be more days like Saturday night to come. I praise God that He is my rock! I know that He will continually pick me and my family up and comfort us each and every day.
Father God I thank you for sending your son to die on the cross so that I and many others can have ever-lasting life. I thank you for using Kara to speak truth into my hurting heart. God continue to use me and my family to point others to you. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

I Love It When This Happens!

I had the privilege of subbing for one of the Pre-K classes yesterday! It was so much fun! Those children are too precious! It was getting close to lunch time and the other teachers were getting everything ready for the kids. I told them to each pick out a book and I would read to them while we were waiting. So being obedient, they marched right over to the bookshelf. What happened next was priceless to me. The cutest little blonde headed girl brought me a book and said, "Will you read this one?" I told her sure I would. I looked down to discover that she had brought me The Very Hungry Caterpillar, by Eric Carle! Some of you might be wondering why this is priceless. I will tell you why. This was Rylee Bug's favorite book of all times! She loved it! We read it everyday, more times than I can count. You can imagine the emotions that came over me. Call me weird, but I love those little moments when I can still feel her presence. There are times when I wonder what in the world I am doing, which is hopefully a normal part of grieving. Holding that book and reading to those 4 year olds reminded me that I am where I am supposed to be now. That it is OK to move on. That moving on doesn't mean that I am leaving her memory behind, but that I can take it with me.

Thank you Lord Jesus for giving me that reassurance. I pray that you continue to guide me every step of this journey in school and in life. Turn me around when I get side tracked, or when I step in the wrong direction. Never let me forget the many blessings and lessons You taught me through Rylee's life. I love you Lord!

In Jesus' Name, Amen

Ugh!!!!!

You know, I guess I should just laugh! I mean the fact that I was going to get to sub today and that tonight starts my fall semester I should have expected some random thing to interupt my plans!!!! Poor Brady! His pumping has been going so good. His blood sugars have been wonderful (for the most part) until lastnight. He came to me at bedtime and said he thought that his inset was coming out, and it was. I made him check his sugar which was 409! Not what you want to see, especially at bedtime. Also, you do not want to change an inset at bedtime and here is why. The normal routine is that I put some numbing medicine on for about an hour, then change it out. Well, it was already 10pm on a Sunday night so we changed it without the numbing medicine. He must have tensed up when we inserted it because as you can see from the picture, there wasn't any insulin going through that little tube! I did not know this until this morning. I was nervous about changing him at bedtime because of everything the doctors have told us about having a bad inset and no insulin going in all night. So I checked every couple of hours through out the night. Well, that is exactly what happened. His blood sugars were in the 400s all night long. He has also been passing ketones. You may not know what that means, it's complicated and not good. We changed it out this morning and he is drinking lots of water. Hopefully things will get better as the day goes on. Please continue to pray for him. It is difficult to see such an active child be limited by this disease. I get upset for him and what he has to deal with. He said, "Moma, sometimes I wish I was just a normal kid." Tear..... what do you say to that?

Spiritual Healing

When a woman who had lived a sinful life in that town learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee's house, she brought an alabaster jar of ointment, and as she stood behind him at his feet weeping she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.
Luke 7:37-38

The rest of the dinner is recorded in Luke 7. It goes on to tell us of how the Pharisee was appalled at this sinful woman. He had thoughts to himself about the woman. Jesus called him out on them. He appreciated her humbleness to come into a house without being invited to show such sorrow for her sins. This woman wasn't trying to be something that she was not. She needed grace, and that day she received it!
Just this past Sunday, Brad preached at a small church nearby. Unlike this woman, we were invited and welcomed in. But like this woman, we all came before God just as we were. As Brad began to preach on this very scripture, the Lord began to deal with his heart about some things that he has left undone. Brad had some tears of his own to shed before the Lord. We all did. Brad is a runner, physically and spiritually. He will admit that he is an "out of sight, out of mind" kind of guy. The problem is that Jesus not only desires our worship, He wants our burdens, worries, and our pains. To think that we can carry them on our own says to God, "I got this" when really we are dying inside. Brad had gone as far as he could go. He had to let go and let God. That is exactly what he did. Brad began to pour out his tears upon the feet of Jesus. As he did, God began to heal his heart right before our eyes! It was painful to hear him remember Rylee's passing in such detail, but he had to say it before the Lord to get it out. It is just too much for anyone to carry alone. I praise the Lord for this. Not only did I get to experience this with him, but our children did as well. I know that they will never forget it.
So how does this compare with the woman in Luke 7? We all have burdens and sins weighing us down. The woman and Brad both brought their issues to Jesus and received a spiritual healing. What a friend we have in Jesus! Thank you Lord for loving us always! Give it all to Him, He loves you!
In Jesus' Name, Amen

When the Power is in Your Hands

Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act.
~Proverbs 3:27

Recently, someone said,"What we are supposed to do is take our God-given gifts and our testimony and use them for the glory of God." Wow, that is it. That is what we are to do. We all have gifts, some of us just do not recognize what they are. Something that I have struggled with is wanting my gifts to look like someone else's. I would love to be able to sing. We don't always get what we want!

A testimony is what someone can share because of a test they have faced. The very fact that you have a testimony proves that God brought you through something. It is our responsibility to share that with people. I don't know about you, but my testimony is enough. I don't want that part of my life to look like someone else's. Think about Job, would you want what he experienced? Me either.

Seriously, the Lord tells us in Proverbs to not withhold good from those that deserve it when it is in your power to act. When the Lord brings us through something tragic, or if He has blessed us beyond measure, it is not for us to hold on to. He wants us to share it with others that we come in contact with every day. Love on people, share your faith, and be real with them. What is your testimony? Have you shared it? How can your experiences help someone in your circle of influence?

Lord Jesus, thank you for speaking through your people and your word. Thank you for seeing me through so many ups and downs in life. I praise you for the blessings you have given me. I pray that you will help me to be the best version of me that you created me to be. I love you and thank you for loving me.
In Jesus' Name, Amen

God's Timing

We have been in revival at church this past week. Normally, we would wake up early to go to the 9 o'clock service, but this past Sunday I decided to let the kids sleep in. We went to the 11 o'clock service. I am so glad we waited! During the invitation, the preacher asked for some women to pray with a lady. Immediately, I rose to my feet and headed to the altar. I did not know the lady, but just felt the Holy Spirit leading me to go pray with her. I prayed with her, then she continued to pray. I asked her if she was ok. She had tears streaming down her cheeks and said "yes, but I have been having a hard time praying to God." She continued, "I know He loves me and that He is always here for me, but I struggle praying. It is so hard because I lost my daughter four years ago." I began to smile from the inside out. That may sound crazy, but I just love when God puts us in the right place at the right time. I introduced myself and asked her if she minded if I shared something with her. I told this sweet lady about Rylee and about her death. Our hearts connected in a way that only two mothers who had lost a child could. The words that came from my mouth were given directly from God. At that moment, I had a strength in my body that cannot be explained. I guess that is where the smile came from too! It helps to know that we are never alone. God is always there. He used me that day in a way I did not expect. He reminded me that it is not about me, or my pain, but that it is about being His arms to hold someone tight, His ears to listen, His voice to speak encouragement to a hurting sister in Christ. I praise God for that moment. I praise God for walking beside me daily!

Ashes

"Whatever you acquire outside of God's will eventually turns to ashes."
Charles Stanley

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5

God is the only one who has the right perspective of our lives. He has a plan and many purposes for us. This plan does not include us walking around day in and day out struggling, trying so hard in our own strength. Many times, I seem to get in my own way. Feelings of exhaustion, weariness, depression, hopelessness and on and on indicate that I am trying to be self-sufficient. John 15:5 tells us that apart from Him, we can do nothing. I am guilty of having my own set of standards. It is when I am trying to live up to my own ideas of how things should be that I feel defeated or like I am not "good enough." I end up fighting battles I was never meant to fight. We must be willing to surrender our plans, agendas, and to-do lists to the paths that the Lord would have us to take.

Lord Jesus, thank you for showing me my need for you in all things. Remind me daily that apart from you I can do nothing. Help me to recognize when plans become mine and not yours. Forgive me. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Prayers of Worship

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.

Romans 8:26-27

There are many moments in my life that I can recall having a need to pray, but not knowing what I should pray for. Thankfully, because of the Holy Spirit, God knows my heart. He understands me better than I understand myself. Our family is still treading through the waters of grief. Sometimes it feels as if we have lived two different lives, one with Rylee and the one we are living now. No doubt, we are all better for having had Rylee "Bug" in our life. She showed us the very idea of genuine worship. Her heart was so tender toward her Heavenly Father. Rylee worshipped even when she did not feel well, even if she was the only one. She worshipped whether in church, at home, or in the car. Then, when the song would end, she would say, "Do it again!" If she wasn't finished singing, she would just sing on her own! These are memories of her that I cherish. I believe that her genuine worship of Jesus is her legacy. So, when the times come that I do not know what to pray for, I am reminded of Rylee and I worship. Lifting up our praise to Jesus is not only a way to worship, but also a way of praying. I worship Jesus for who he is, what he has done, his love for me, his promises! He is worthy! I have said so many times, life is so much more than what we see day in and day out. Trying to keep our focus on God's perspective and how the pieces of everyday life fit into His will is hard to do. But He knows what we have need of and I trust that He will provide those needs according to His will.

Father God, thank you for loving me. Thank you for bringing peace into my heart at times of hurt, confusion and sadness. Forgive me when I try to make my way your way and when I become impatient with you will. I pray for those reading this that they will worship you with their whole life. That they will seek you for peace and comfort. I pray everything I do will bring honor to you.

In Jesus' Name.

Paralyzing Fear

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18

Life has a way of stopping us in our tracks. All of us have experienced good and bad times. We must remember that God loves his children and wants what is best for us. I have been told that God is molding me into what I am to become. I admit, sometimes I wish he would hurry up! Ask anyone who knows me, I do not do change well at all. The more routine life is the better I function! Seriously, change sometimes scares me. When things don't look like they have always looked or when I feel like I have no control over a situation; I can become stuck. I have said before, it is like I am knee deep in thick mud trying to move forward. At church camp, a couple of weeks ago, the Lord spoke to my heart about this very thing. We were having quiet time. Fear was far from my radar, or so I thought. I began reading my bible and the devotion provided for us. That devotion was perfectly written for me. I could feel the presence of God right then and there. It was then that I realized that I walk around this life waiting on something bad to happen. When asked what do I fear, immediately my answer was the health and well being of my children and family. Another adult, that was with our group, prayed with me. Soon after, the adults went to a bible study. I was sitting there minding my own business. The preacher asked the same question, "what do you fear?" God told me to give my testimony right then. Speaking those words of how I fear bad things happening to my children and why I have those fears was hard. My fears are probably no different than any other parent's. It is just that I have lived through a parent's worst nightmare; the death of a child. I have seen a child be traumatically injured by fire, and have seen that same child diagnosed with a life-long disease. On the flip side of the bad, we have seen the birth of a beautiful and healthy little girl, Kara Grace. Grace because of God's grace of blessing us with her. My fears are legitimate, but they are not of God. He has a purpose in it all and that purpose will be missed if I allow myself to be paralyzed with the "what ifs". I praise the Lord for showing me that He doesn't want me to fear, but that He wants me to look to Him in all things. He is the Alpha and Omega! He is love!

So, what do you fear? Ask the Lord to help you to recognize fear for what it is. I pray that God deliver you from fear. He's still working on me!!!!

Friends

"The Lord shall guide thee continually and satisfy thy soul..."
Isaiah 58:11


I am so thankful for friends! Brad and I received this beautiful card in the mail this week. It is from a dear friend and her husband. Words of encouragement fill the inside of the card! God will see you through. Know that you are often lifted up in prayer and perhaps the most challenging, your witness shines out to many. We must remember every second of the day that we may be the only witness for Jesus that people see. This challenges me. What about you?

Pumping Soon!

Many of you know that Brady was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes in December. This came just one month after Rylee passed away. Yes, we were devastated. Why? Urrggg! I was mad, mad at God, mad at the situation, mad that Brady had already experienced so much in his young life and now this. I am not ashamed to say that I was mad, because God knows the truth, and the truth sets us free. He healed my mad heart! Now, six months later, we are getting the hang of carb counting and insulin to carb ratios. It is over-whelming, but it has to be done for his well being. He has been taking 4-5 shots a day, about 1825 injections a year, ouch! Brady takes them like no body's business. He doesn't think twice about it! That makes my job a little easier! With the insulin pump, he will have to change his injection sites every 2-3 days. You do the math! Not near as many sticks and pokes! Aside from that, pumping has many benefits when it comes to blood sugar control. The pump is like a mini-computer that works with his body and the insulin to give exactly what he needs. He will still have to do carb counting and check blood sugars. My concern for him is not just what happens right now, but that he is able to accomplish what the Lord has set before him and that he will be able to do this in a healthy body!

-being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ! Philippians 1:6

A Call

And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him. Colossians 3:17

For about a year now, the Lord has been dealing with my heart about creating a blog. Of course, I have come up with about every excuse in the world to not do it, but He wins! God has been so good to our family. He has brought us through some of the deepest pits that life offers. Through all of our trials, we are still serving Him! I believe that God wants to use our life to reach others. This is true for every Christian. Please do not look at me or my family to gage your own words or deeds, because I can promise that we will disappoint you. Look to the Heavenly Father for your answers. He is the I Am!