God's Timing

We have been in revival at church this past week. Normally, we would wake up early to go to the 9 o'clock service, but this past Sunday I decided to let the kids sleep in. We went to the 11 o'clock service. I am so glad we waited! During the invitation, the preacher asked for some women to pray with a lady. Immediately, I rose to my feet and headed to the altar. I did not know the lady, but just felt the Holy Spirit leading me to go pray with her. I prayed with her, then she continued to pray. I asked her if she was ok. She had tears streaming down her cheeks and said "yes, but I have been having a hard time praying to God." She continued, "I know He loves me and that He is always here for me, but I struggle praying. It is so hard because I lost my daughter four years ago." I began to smile from the inside out. That may sound crazy, but I just love when God puts us in the right place at the right time. I introduced myself and asked her if she minded if I shared something with her. I told this sweet lady about Rylee and about her death. Our hearts connected in a way that only two mothers who had lost a child could. The words that came from my mouth were given directly from God. At that moment, I had a strength in my body that cannot be explained. I guess that is where the smile came from too! It helps to know that we are never alone. God is always there. He used me that day in a way I did not expect. He reminded me that it is not about me, or my pain, but that it is about being His arms to hold someone tight, His ears to listen, His voice to speak encouragement to a hurting sister in Christ. I praise God for that moment. I praise God for walking beside me daily!

Ashes

"Whatever you acquire outside of God's will eventually turns to ashes."
Charles Stanley

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5

God is the only one who has the right perspective of our lives. He has a plan and many purposes for us. This plan does not include us walking around day in and day out struggling, trying so hard in our own strength. Many times, I seem to get in my own way. Feelings of exhaustion, weariness, depression, hopelessness and on and on indicate that I am trying to be self-sufficient. John 15:5 tells us that apart from Him, we can do nothing. I am guilty of having my own set of standards. It is when I am trying to live up to my own ideas of how things should be that I feel defeated or like I am not "good enough." I end up fighting battles I was never meant to fight. We must be willing to surrender our plans, agendas, and to-do lists to the paths that the Lord would have us to take.

Lord Jesus, thank you for showing me my need for you in all things. Remind me daily that apart from you I can do nothing. Help me to recognize when plans become mine and not yours. Forgive me. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Prayers of Worship

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.

Romans 8:26-27

There are many moments in my life that I can recall having a need to pray, but not knowing what I should pray for. Thankfully, because of the Holy Spirit, God knows my heart. He understands me better than I understand myself. Our family is still treading through the waters of grief. Sometimes it feels as if we have lived two different lives, one with Rylee and the one we are living now. No doubt, we are all better for having had Rylee "Bug" in our life. She showed us the very idea of genuine worship. Her heart was so tender toward her Heavenly Father. Rylee worshipped even when she did not feel well, even if she was the only one. She worshipped whether in church, at home, or in the car. Then, when the song would end, she would say, "Do it again!" If she wasn't finished singing, she would just sing on her own! These are memories of her that I cherish. I believe that her genuine worship of Jesus is her legacy. So, when the times come that I do not know what to pray for, I am reminded of Rylee and I worship. Lifting up our praise to Jesus is not only a way to worship, but also a way of praying. I worship Jesus for who he is, what he has done, his love for me, his promises! He is worthy! I have said so many times, life is so much more than what we see day in and day out. Trying to keep our focus on God's perspective and how the pieces of everyday life fit into His will is hard to do. But He knows what we have need of and I trust that He will provide those needs according to His will.

Father God, thank you for loving me. Thank you for bringing peace into my heart at times of hurt, confusion and sadness. Forgive me when I try to make my way your way and when I become impatient with you will. I pray for those reading this that they will worship you with their whole life. That they will seek you for peace and comfort. I pray everything I do will bring honor to you.

In Jesus' Name.

Paralyzing Fear

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18

Life has a way of stopping us in our tracks. All of us have experienced good and bad times. We must remember that God loves his children and wants what is best for us. I have been told that God is molding me into what I am to become. I admit, sometimes I wish he would hurry up! Ask anyone who knows me, I do not do change well at all. The more routine life is the better I function! Seriously, change sometimes scares me. When things don't look like they have always looked or when I feel like I have no control over a situation; I can become stuck. I have said before, it is like I am knee deep in thick mud trying to move forward. At church camp, a couple of weeks ago, the Lord spoke to my heart about this very thing. We were having quiet time. Fear was far from my radar, or so I thought. I began reading my bible and the devotion provided for us. That devotion was perfectly written for me. I could feel the presence of God right then and there. It was then that I realized that I walk around this life waiting on something bad to happen. When asked what do I fear, immediately my answer was the health and well being of my children and family. Another adult, that was with our group, prayed with me. Soon after, the adults went to a bible study. I was sitting there minding my own business. The preacher asked the same question, "what do you fear?" God told me to give my testimony right then. Speaking those words of how I fear bad things happening to my children and why I have those fears was hard. My fears are probably no different than any other parent's. It is just that I have lived through a parent's worst nightmare; the death of a child. I have seen a child be traumatically injured by fire, and have seen that same child diagnosed with a life-long disease. On the flip side of the bad, we have seen the birth of a beautiful and healthy little girl, Kara Grace. Grace because of God's grace of blessing us with her. My fears are legitimate, but they are not of God. He has a purpose in it all and that purpose will be missed if I allow myself to be paralyzed with the "what ifs". I praise the Lord for showing me that He doesn't want me to fear, but that He wants me to look to Him in all things. He is the Alpha and Omega! He is love!

So, what do you fear? Ask the Lord to help you to recognize fear for what it is. I pray that God deliver you from fear. He's still working on me!!!!

Friends

"The Lord shall guide thee continually and satisfy thy soul..."
Isaiah 58:11


I am so thankful for friends! Brad and I received this beautiful card in the mail this week. It is from a dear friend and her husband. Words of encouragement fill the inside of the card! God will see you through. Know that you are often lifted up in prayer and perhaps the most challenging, your witness shines out to many. We must remember every second of the day that we may be the only witness for Jesus that people see. This challenges me. What about you?

Pumping Soon!

Many of you know that Brady was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes in December. This came just one month after Rylee passed away. Yes, we were devastated. Why? Urrggg! I was mad, mad at God, mad at the situation, mad that Brady had already experienced so much in his young life and now this. I am not ashamed to say that I was mad, because God knows the truth, and the truth sets us free. He healed my mad heart! Now, six months later, we are getting the hang of carb counting and insulin to carb ratios. It is over-whelming, but it has to be done for his well being. He has been taking 4-5 shots a day, about 1825 injections a year, ouch! Brady takes them like no body's business. He doesn't think twice about it! That makes my job a little easier! With the insulin pump, he will have to change his injection sites every 2-3 days. You do the math! Not near as many sticks and pokes! Aside from that, pumping has many benefits when it comes to blood sugar control. The pump is like a mini-computer that works with his body and the insulin to give exactly what he needs. He will still have to do carb counting and check blood sugars. My concern for him is not just what happens right now, but that he is able to accomplish what the Lord has set before him and that he will be able to do this in a healthy body!

-being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ! Philippians 1:6