Her Name is Kara Grace

I had over-looked the mess in Kara’s room as long as I could. She and I had a Saturday night cleaning party! I worked on her closet; she worked on organizing her toy bins. Organizing to her meant dumping everything out in the floor, and I mean everything! Once I finished her closet, I began to help her sort through Barbies, Barbie clothes, baby doll stuff, random Sonic and McDonald’s toys; you get the picture. Where does all this stuff come from? I was frustrated to say the least. College football is on and I am in this mountain of a mess!!! On and on we clean. I mean we are down to the dust and the change. That is when I found something I hadn’t seen in a long time. It was a button (pin) with Rylee’s initial “R” on it. Memories of cleaning this room with many times came back to me. I told Kara that I would give anything if we could finish up this room and go into the living room and see Rylee lying in the floor, playing, and chewing on a book. Kara got quiet for several minutes. I know the kids still have a difficult time, so we try to let them process feelings as they come. A few minutes later, she stood right in front of me and said, “Momma, For God so loved the world that he gave his only son that whoever believes on Him shall not perish but have everlasting life. John 3:16” Amazing! Wonderful Grace! Out of the mouths of babes! Of course I am proud of her for memorizing a scripture, but I am even more amazed that she knew, as a seven year old, that in my time of pain that I needed a word from God! God used Kara to remind me of how much He loves me! Wow! I stand amazed at His marvelous Grace!
Kara’s middle name is Grace. There was a one in four chance that this beautiful little girl could have been born with the genetic problem that Rylee had. Brad and I believe that it is only by God’s grace that she is healthy! Saturday night, He took that little girl and showed even more grace to me.
My life is not always sad and depressing, I promise. There are many days that are filled with laughter and excitement; but we as a family are still walking through this season of grief. It was about this time last year that Rylee’s health began to go downhill, so I expect that there may be more days like Saturday night to come. I praise God that He is my rock! I know that He will continually pick me and my family up and comfort us each and every day.
Father God I thank you for sending your son to die on the cross so that I and many others can have ever-lasting life. I thank you for using Kara to speak truth into my hurting heart. God continue to use me and my family to point others to you. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

I Love It When This Happens!

I had the privilege of subbing for one of the Pre-K classes yesterday! It was so much fun! Those children are too precious! It was getting close to lunch time and the other teachers were getting everything ready for the kids. I told them to each pick out a book and I would read to them while we were waiting. So being obedient, they marched right over to the bookshelf. What happened next was priceless to me. The cutest little blonde headed girl brought me a book and said, "Will you read this one?" I told her sure I would. I looked down to discover that she had brought me The Very Hungry Caterpillar, by Eric Carle! Some of you might be wondering why this is priceless. I will tell you why. This was Rylee Bug's favorite book of all times! She loved it! We read it everyday, more times than I can count. You can imagine the emotions that came over me. Call me weird, but I love those little moments when I can still feel her presence. There are times when I wonder what in the world I am doing, which is hopefully a normal part of grieving. Holding that book and reading to those 4 year olds reminded me that I am where I am supposed to be now. That it is OK to move on. That moving on doesn't mean that I am leaving her memory behind, but that I can take it with me.

Thank you Lord Jesus for giving me that reassurance. I pray that you continue to guide me every step of this journey in school and in life. Turn me around when I get side tracked, or when I step in the wrong direction. Never let me forget the many blessings and lessons You taught me through Rylee's life. I love you Lord!

In Jesus' Name, Amen