Tuesday, May 24, 2011


Humble yourself therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: casting all your care upon him; for he cares for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walks about seeking whom he may devour. 1 Peter 5: 6-8

It’s funny how even though we know what God’s word teaches; we still mess up every day. I am thankful that the Lord forgives me, because I need it daily. The fruit of the Spirit is the work of the Holy Spirit in us. God’s Spirit speaks to us through his word. The Bible is his love letter to us: Basic Instruction Before Leaving Earth. How can we expect to walk in the Spirit when we go about our day neglecting to commune with God? It is days like one I had recently that remind me of how weak I am on my own. I am human, I mess up, and I do things that I wish I could take back. God would not have me to live in regret, but to learn from my mistakes.
If I keep my focus on the cross, I am less likely to sweat the small stuff, the worldly stuff, the stuff that normally brings out the worst in me. Why? 1 Peter 5:6-8 states, “Humble yourself therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: casting all your care upon him; for he cares for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walks about seeking whom he may devour.” If we would humble ourselves before the mighty hand of God, be sober, and vigilant; he promises to exalt us in due time. That due time could be when someone does something that threatens to yank our emotions into a bad place. That due time could be when Satan is on the prowl, seeking to destroy our witness but God shelters us from falling prey. That due time could be anything that would keep us from bringing honor and glory to God. I don’t know about you, but I want the Lord to exalt me in due time. I am weak and imperfect on my own. I say and do things that I am not proud of. On my own, I have no self-control. But I am an heir to the King of Kings and Lord of Lords! He alone will help me to have more self-control in all areas of my life.

Monday, March 21, 2011

I Stand Amazed!

I stand amazed in the presence, of Jesus the Nazarene, And wonder how He could love me, A sinner, condemned, unclean. O how marvelous! O how wonderful! And my song shall ever be: O how marvelous! O how wonderful! Is my Savior's love for me! He took my sins and my sorrows, He made them His very own; He bore the burden to Calvary, And suffered and died alone. When with the ransomed in gloryHis face I at last shall see, ’Twill be my joy through the ages To sing of His love for me. How marvelous! How wonderful! And my song shall ever be. How marvelous! How wonderful! Is my Savior's love for me!

This is a song that we sang at church yesterday morning. I wanted to share it because of the great joy it brings me!

It has been a long, cold, and messy winter; both physically and emotionally. I praise God that because He loves me, He continues to carry me! There have been days that have been very difficult, not only for me, but for Brad and the kids as well. We are going through what I would consider to be a normal grieving process. Rylee is someone that we will carry with us each and everyday. Lately her memory is starting to bring more smiles than tears. The kids, especially Kara, talk about her all the time! I am proud of that. I want them to always remember her. Their memory of her is something that no one will ever be able to take from them. I want them to cherish this.

Now that it is Spring, we are in full swing with baseball! This is one of my favorite times of the year! Kara isn't playing this year. She is not interested at all and that is ok with us. She is really good at other things, so we will support her in those hobbies. Brady, on the other hand, loves it. I think he could live at the park! So far so good with his diabetes! It can be tricky to manage at times, but no major problems. That is a relief! He doesn't need to be slowed down.

I know that it has been a while since my last post, so I will try to do better! God bless you all!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010


Today, November 11th is the one year mark since I held Rylee in my arms. To be honest, I am not sure how I am supposed to feel. In some ways, it’s just another day without her. I take just one moment at a time. Each moment is different, some are better than others. It is amazing how quickly memories can flood your mind. I am so thankful for all the wonderful memories we have of Rylee. I have said it a million times and I will continue to say it, “I am a much better person because I had her in my life.” Sometimes I worry that through the business of life that I will forget her or different things that she taught me about life. It is then that the Lord blesses me with some of the sweetest memories. My prayer is and always will be that Rylee’s legacy will never die. I pray that as the opportunities come for me to share her story, her will to live, her love for everyone, and her love for Jesus that I will not miss those opportunities. So, how do I feel now? I am the proudest momma in the world to have been a part of such an amazing little girl’s journey through this life. Yes, I miss her. Yes, the grief and pain can sometimes be unbearable. But I know that it is going to be ok. I will miss you and love you forever Rylee Bug!

Friday, October 29, 2010

Let The Waters Rise

Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, [even] unto the end of the world. Amen. ~Matthew 28:20

This song speaks so clearly to what is going on in the lives of many. Everytime I hear it, I just want to shout AMEN! The moment that the alarm clock sounds in the morning to wake me up to a brand new day, a flood of thoughts concerning that day's agenda tries to consume me. I am pretty certain that I am not alone in this. Almost everyone I speak to lately expresses some sort of stressor in their life.

"Let The Waters Rise" What is the "water" in your life? Is your "water" more than one thing? Personally, there are things that try to smother me, but none like the loss of Rylee. November 11 will mark one year since her passing. I can vividly remember what I was doing each day this time last year. Grief is a funny thing. Some days I am great. Some days I miss her all day long. Guilt tries to find its way in every now and then; guilt about living life, moving on. I know better and I am able to recognize it when it happens. God has shown me over the past 9 years that He wants to use me and my family in a way that is unique to us. Everything that we experience in life can be used to learn and grow. Through Facebook, the world can become very small. The ML II support group has opened the doors for me to connect with some amazing families. I get to help other families who are dealing with the many questions that come along with this disease. There are families from right here in the U.S. and other countries. My prayer is that when I speak, my words will serve as an encouragement to them. Not to sound weird, but it brings me great comfort to use what Rylee taught me to help others. Her legacy never dies. What a legacy she left us! I believe in my heart this is what the Lord would want. So "Let The Waters Rise" whatever they may be, I WILL FOLLOW THE LORD! God is with me! I hope whoever reads this draws comfort. Thank you Jesus for carrying me.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Her Name is Kara Grace

I had over-looked the mess in Kara’s room as long as I could. She and I had a Saturday night cleaning party! I worked on her closet; she worked on organizing her toy bins. Organizing to her meant dumping everything out in the floor, and I mean everything! Once I finished her closet, I began to help her sort through Barbies, Barbie clothes, baby doll stuff, random Sonic and McDonald’s toys; you get the picture. Where does all this stuff come from? I was frustrated to say the least. College football is on and I am in this mountain of a mess!!! On and on we clean. I mean we are down to the dust and the change. That is when I found something I hadn’t seen in a long time. It was a button (pin) with Rylee’s initial “R” on it. Memories of cleaning this room with many times came back to me. I told Kara that I would give anything if we could finish up this room and go into the living room and see Rylee lying in the floor, playing, and chewing on a book. Kara got quiet for several minutes. I know the kids still have a difficult time, so we try to let them process feelings as they come. A few minutes later, she stood right in front of me and said, “Momma, For God so loved the world that he gave his only son that whoever believes on Him shall not perish but have everlasting life. John 3:16” Amazing! Wonderful Grace! Out of the mouths of babes! Of course I am proud of her for memorizing a scripture, but I am even more amazed that she knew, as a seven year old, that in my time of pain that I needed a word from God! God used Kara to remind me of how much He loves me! Wow! I stand amazed at His marvelous Grace!
Kara’s middle name is Grace. There was a one in four chance that this beautiful little girl could have been born with the genetic problem that Rylee had. Brad and I believe that it is only by God’s grace that she is healthy! Saturday night, He took that little girl and showed even more grace to me.
My life is not always sad and depressing, I promise. There are many days that are filled with laughter and excitement; but we as a family are still walking through this season of grief. It was about this time last year that Rylee’s health began to go downhill, so I expect that there may be more days like Saturday night to come. I praise God that He is my rock! I know that He will continually pick me and my family up and comfort us each and every day.
Father God I thank you for sending your son to die on the cross so that I and many others can have ever-lasting life. I thank you for using Kara to speak truth into my hurting heart. God continue to use me and my family to point others to you. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

I Love It When This Happens!

I had the privilege of subbing for one of the Pre-K classes yesterday! It was so much fun! Those children are too precious! It was getting close to lunch time and the other teachers were getting everything ready for the kids. I told them to each pick out a book and I would read to them while we were waiting. So being obedient, they marched right over to the bookshelf. What happened next was priceless to me. The cutest little blonde headed girl brought me a book and said, "Will you read this one?" I told her sure I would. I looked down to discover that she had brought me The Very Hungry Caterpillar, by Eric Carle! Some of you might be wondering why this is priceless. I will tell you why. This was Rylee Bug's favorite book of all times! She loved it! We read it everyday, more times than I can count. You can imagine the emotions that came over me. Call me weird, but I love those little moments when I can still feel her presence. There are times when I wonder what in the world I am doing, which is hopefully a normal part of grieving. Holding that book and reading to those 4 year olds reminded me that I am where I am supposed to be now. That it is OK to move on. That moving on doesn't mean that I am leaving her memory behind, but that I can take it with me.

Thank you Lord Jesus for giving me that reassurance. I pray that you continue to guide me every step of this journey in school and in life. Turn me around when I get side tracked, or when I step in the wrong direction. Never let me forget the many blessings and lessons You taught me through Rylee's life. I love you Lord!

In Jesus' Name, Amen

Monday, August 30, 2010


You know, I guess I should just laugh! I mean the fact that I was going to get to sub today and that tonight starts my fall semester I should have expected some random thing to interupt my plans!!!! Poor Brady! His pumping has been going so good. His blood sugars have been wonderful (for the most part) until lastnight. He came to me at bedtime and said he thought that his inset was coming out, and it was. I made him check his sugar which was 409! Not what you want to see, especially at bedtime. Also, you do not want to change an inset at bedtime and here is why. The normal routine is that I put some numbing medicine on for about an hour, then change it out. Well, it was already 10pm on a Sunday night so we changed it without the numbing medicine. He must have tensed up when we inserted it because as you can see from the picture, there wasn't any insulin going through that little tube! I did not know this until this morning. I was nervous about changing him at bedtime because of everything the doctors have told us about having a bad inset and no insulin going in all night. So I checked every couple of hours through out the night. Well, that is exactly what happened. His blood sugars were in the 400s all night long. He has also been passing ketones. You may not know what that means, it's complicated and not good. We changed it out this morning and he is drinking lots of water. Hopefully things will get better as the day goes on. Please continue to pray for him. It is difficult to see such an active child be limited by this disease. I get upset for him and what he has to deal with. He said, "Moma, sometimes I wish I was just a normal kid." Tear..... what do you say to that?